Not-At-All-Curious George

23 Mar

Like many of you out there I am a frequenter of the free dating website OKCupid. One year into using this site I have to admit I use it mostly for the funny stories and what I call “practice dating.”

A couple months ago I started going on multiple dates with this guy George. He was 31, a martial artist and was working on buying his own home. While he was kinda nerdy he was also very cute and seemed to have lots of things going for him. We went on hikes and met up to go bowling. I was becoming quite interested. However, after 4 dates he still hadn’t made any moves. Finally, he invited me to his house for dinner.

After eating he suggested we watch a movie. We settled in and he even put his arm around me. “Atta boy George, getting things done”, I thought to myself… we sat like this for an hour and a half! Periodically I would turn to ask him a question, “When was this film made?”, “Why do you think he is lying to her?”, “What did she say?”, “Where is this taking place?” Progressively my questions got dumber and dumber. I was only doing this to give him ample opportunity to kiss me and yet all it did was make me look stupid.

Finally he kissed me. We lay down on the couch and began to make out. George placed his hands over my head leaning over me and he kept them there. They did not move. Ever. After a while I grabbed one of his hands and placed it on my side. It stayed there limp and unmoving. I again grabbed the hand and moved it up and down my side. He went along with this and again when left to his own devices moved his hand right back above my head and continued our G rated make-out session.

I thought in my head perhaps it is because he is in an awkward position. I shifted us around so that I was sitting on his lap. If I thought that it was awkward before then I had something coming to me. George continued to kiss me but now his hands lay limp at his sides. After a few minutes I literally grabbed his hands and put them on my boobs. I released, like someone letting go of a child on a bicycle, to see what he could accomplish on his own. Flop. Hands back down to his side. I even asked him, “Are you having a good time?” to which he responded yes. I was getting quite bored and there seemed to be no end in sight. I even started to get worried that I had somehow molested the poor man and that he might just not be “ready” to touch my boobs.

I finally made some excuse that I needed to leave. He put on some horrible fur lined jacket (final straw) and walked me to my car. A couple of days later I received a text from him asking if I wanted to hang out again. Poor George. I just couldn’t break it to him that not only did he turn making out into something so incredibly dull but that I couldn’t handle the task of teaching a 31 year old man the ropes. Thanks George, you made me a jerk.

One Response to “Not-At-All-Curious George”

  1. Mike March 26, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

    Muahahahaha you ARE a jerk. ;)

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